Embrace the Suck


“It’s the little things,” an insincere echo follows my thoughts around today. Little purple flowers peer up at me from the side of the road. The whole world seems to be crashing down around me, but no-one else seems to notice. Perhaps it isn’t. Perhaps I am my own torrent. Big shadows tower before me, invisible and pulling down on my muscles, making old pains ache. There is so much, I just can’t wrap my mind around. Abstractions are tearing me limb from limb. A little bird flits about in the sagebrush and pulls me from myself. Redwing Blackbirds, Grackles and Starlings are flying thick together, bright red glimpses mixed with the brown hues of fall. They fly up, arc, and twist back around, landing not far from where they started. I’m trying to pay attention, for another moment they pull me away from my thoughts: “He said, I love you, but he doesn’t mean it.” “How could anyone be so cold?” “Why is this and that and how can everyone be so angry all the time?” Judgment sits on my chest, pushing out the air I would have used for laughter.

It’s a shame.

On the lake in the distance is a man in a canoe. The early morning light is catching mist as it rises from the water. He’s drifting on the glassy, flat surface, silhouetted by the bright morning sun. I stop for a moment. Silence my thoughts. I wonder what peace it is to be that person. I close my eyes and imagine that I am there, on the lake, drifting. All the big things disappear, and I am someone else for a moment. I take a brief trip outside of myself and find that none of my problems really matter all that much.

Today I’m meditating on a phrase that I forgot I wrote. It’s weird to be a stranger to my own ideas. “I forgive the selfishness of people as I forgive the indifference of nature.” If somehow nature’s indifference is the reason for selfishness, then perhaps it follows that selflessness and the beautiful moments of perfect collaboration and coincidence that occur in the world are also somehow related. And perhaps none of it needs to be forgiven as much as embraced.


PCT update: Mile 566

Hey guys!


I am about to put up some posts of our PCT hike on my other blog: https://captainplanetpct.wordpress.com/

Currently Flask and I are in Tehachapi, Ca: mile 566. We are gearing up for the snow as we approach Kennedy Meadows. There is a lot of fear mongering going on out here, so we are preparing ourselves as best we can to enter potentially hazardous conditions. The desert was also reasonably dangerous, especially in the heat of the day, so I am hoping that with proper gear and decision making skills we can work our way through the massive snow melt happening in the high Sierras. Send your best thoughts to us and as much luck as possible!!!

-Captain Planet

PCT 2017 Mail Drops

Today I was looking at an email from a trail angel who is dropping me off in Campo, and I realized that there are people already on the PCT! It made me realize that this is really going to happen. Over the next few days I will be sending out some mail drops that Flask and I put together, another sort of illuminating moment.

I am still unsure of the best way to resupply on trail, and I do see the benefits of both buying as you go and mail drops. I choose to do mail drops because I don’t eat meat so the extra protein I can pack into every meal really helps, but I am also positive that I will be finding my way to town to get extra supplies and eat at restaurants.

There are several spots where I intend to resupply in town, partially because I know I will be very sick of the variety I have packed in the boxes. I picked my resupplies with Flask in a sort of debate/informed guess manner. I’m sure we’ve planned some weird stops, but we won’t know until we are on trail! We also encountered the problem of P.O. drops which are only held for a month. To solve this problem we have enlisted close family to send us time sensitive boxes with dinners and protein rich foods.

After this hike I am going to come out with a backpacking cookbook listing all of the best recipes I’ve created !

Here are some pictures of the process:




Appalachian Trail -March 23 2015- October 1 2015



Two years ago! I can’t believe it has been that long, and I can’t believe it has only been two years. I can still close my eyes and find myself on some distant mountain in the Appalachians. Today I am finishing up packing our resupply boxes for the PCT! I can’t wait to get back on trail!!!!

Flask and I will be starting in Campo on May 13th 2017!!!! Happy Trails! I hope to see some of you out there! ❤


Hiking for a Cause: Earth Justice/PCTA!

I am hiking for a cause! It seems like a huge obligation to raise money while hiking, but I found a good cause that appeals to my current sentiments. There are a lot of causes I was torn between, and I did some extensive research which informed my decision to hike for Earth Justice!

here is my bio. on the hike for website:

Trail: Pacific Crest Trail     Goal: 2650 Miles
Dates: May 13 2017 – Sep 13 2017
My trail name is Captain Planet. I thru-hiked the Appalachian Trail in 2015, and I am excited to announce that I plan on thru-hiking the Pacific Crest Trail from South to North starting May 2017. I walked the Appalachian Trail solo,but I will be hiking the Pacific Crest Trail with my partner Flask, another long distance hiker. I am devoted to protecting the wilderness. I grew up traveling around this beautiful country with my family, exploring the National Parks and America’s wilderness areas. I think of the public lands as my home, as a part of myself, and I would do anything to keep them protected. I hike because I love hiking. I am hiking for a cause because I know the earth is at risk, and I would like to bring awareness to it’s peril. I am inspired to do this because I am troubled by the shift towards the privatization of public lands and energy solutions that depend on fracking. I am deeply concerned with the fine balance between land accessibility and preservation that is often tipped in the favor of economic gain. People need wilderness, clean drinking water, clean air, places to grow food and the ability to live independently. We need to love the earth with our actions.
Cause 1: I am hiking for Earth Justice, which is an Environmental Law Organization that is actively assisting Standing Rock with their struggle for protecting water and life. This organization is also largely concerned with protecting wilderness, regulating energy solutions and monitoring the health of the environment in a just manner.
Cause 2: Pacific Crest Trail Association. Trail community and maintainers are what make my world more magical. Since I am hiking the PCT I feel it is important to hike for the unseen stewards of the trail. less
If you would like to pledge per mile please check out my profile! I start my trek on May 13th. Anything helps!!!! I stand with Standing Rock.