What a relative concept home tends to be. For the last 6 months I carried home on my back. My bedroom was a nice campsite in the woods, running water was a stream, hiking was my life. As of yesterday all of this came to a screaming halt. I climbed Katahdin and found myself at the top asking “What do I do now?” What a shock it was to be done. What a shock it is to be inside, sleeping in a bed, drinking from a sink, living in a place that isn’t free and certainly isn’t mine. It is difficult to be certain of my life now as it stands in the shadow of a great adventure.
I knew before I started that this would be a rough moment. I thought it would be confusing and it is. I thought it would be hard to adjust and it is. I never dreamt that it would break my heart or be this lonely. I survived walking across the country…I hope I can survive sitting still. One foot in front of the other doesn’t work anymore.
Usually I would take off running when I feel this way, but I will try to take a stand to find a home. Or maybe I will carry on. I stand dangerously close to not coming back…I would prefer not to. I need to stop hurting.