May 21 2015
May 21 2015
This morning I walked along the Tinker Cliffs in a thick fog. All I could see was a steep descent into nothing. I spent the day thinking about food in Daleville. Bloop Bleep and I followed the power lines down the mountain towards civilization. The lines hummed loudly and created an eerie sort of environment. Coming into town was abrupt. I was walking along in the forest one second and in an instant I popped out next to a four lane highway teeming with traffic and noise. Trucks rushing by, dirty wind blowing in my face. Towns are getting extremely overwhelming. My senses are keen. Towns smell bad.
I ate one of those giant Mexican dinners in one sitting and did laundry today. Towns are full of yummy food, but they still smell like exhaust and oil and hum with electricity.
People are so strange. It took me so long to realize how strange people are and to stop worrying about how strange I might seem. We are all equally strange.
5 ways to walk away
- Pick a direction and tell everyone you are headed that way, then walk in the opposite direction.
- Make something so beautiful, so capturing, something that could stop the world. Build a trail around it and know that you should never step foot on that trail. Never look back on what fades away
- Whenever we move, we move closer and further, we move like waves crashing.
- Chase pretty blue butterflies.
- Put one foot in front of the other.
There’s a sadness that I’ve yet to deal with. I’m not sure how. I try to forget the sadness and laugh but I can’t. I try to let it go but it is always there chewing away at me. I want it to just fade as I go, to walk it away, but I can’t. I just can’t let it go and it hurts. I’m so tired of carrying my pain over mountains, carrying myself so heavily when I could be overcoming. I need to let this weight go, I need to let it all go and stop marveling at the useless.
Last night someone forcefully said “This is what it is all about, this kind of stuff.” It sounded so forced that I couldn’t tell if he was being sarcastic. And at that moment I realized that everyone has an expectation of what this would be like before we started.
All these people are out here seeking happiness not realizing that happy moments happen, there isn’t a recipe for happiness, it can’t be planned out or played out like some realized dream. Happiness isn’t finding who you are, it’s about letting go of all that preconceived nonsense. I wish I could do that completely.
Independence is mutually exclusive from the formation of “culture” because there is no need for care or interdependence. Consumer “culture” does not lend itself to meaningful relations.
Today was a beautiful day, but it was quite hot. We hiked 20 miles and I feel pretty fine. Getting tired of all this social shit, feeling a little blue, but being around people really makes me laugh it all away.
“We see the moon increasing and decreasing, but it is always the moon.”
“Everyone is responsible for everything that happens in life. When you produce peace and happiness in yourself, you begin to realize peace for the whole world.”
“To smile is not to smile for yourself; the world will change because of your smile.”
“There is truth in laughter.”
We joke about some crude things out here because there is no polite way to talk about them, no way to say what we want to say.