Vermont, Green Mountains, Day 1

August 1, 2016

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Trail Log:

I intend to hike until my anti-inflammatory medications are gone. I will be taking them for a week, and the goal is to get to Rutland as slowly as it takes. If there is no change in my pain by Rutland, then I will end my trip and go home to heal. I wait in anxious anticipation of each day. I am left vulnerable by my lack of tent. I will be staying with people who I may or may not be comfortable with, and I now need to learn to deal with this. A certain element of independence is now gone. How do I embrace this new lifestyle?

I have started telling people that I am section hiking from Bennington to Rutland. I no longer lay claim to being a thru-hiker until I know I can finish trail.

Vermont—-

Green trees stretching out in all directions. The Green Mountains of Vermont stretching out, stretching North, I’ve never seen so many trees in my life.

Response to being left behind by my family, my friends and the person I love. (sorry guys, this is how it felt)

Time to get moving again. Just stay focused and get there! It doesn’t matter what you want, you committed to this until the end. But when does it end?

I don’t feel frozen anymore, and I don’t feel left behind. I am right where I should be and now my world is a little bit brighter, my dreams a little happier. Every attempt to inflict my will is just another mixing up of what will happen. All that matters is that I keep moving. When, why and how is all part of this unpredictable and happy story that I will laugh about later. I choose to trust a stranger. I choose to be carried when my will says to shut myself away. To trust in nothing—is this giving up responsibility? I choose to let it be. The decisions are out of my hands.

Everything will be ok. At least I am back on trail again.

Insecurity of the self is made up for by the security of the state.

I am secure in my own body- this is a strength that allows me freedom. The only free will that can exist must acknowledge interconnectedness.

One can only have free will in so far as one accepts the world as it is.

Does this make me an adult now? Can I stop trying to change the world? You must merge with it to inflict movement.

Freedom has very little to do with the individual and much more to do with the recognition and dissolution of social rules. A dissolution of will can lead to being free, the absence of wants and desires is a true enacting of freedom, not being free to accomplish wants and desires.

Self rule is not freedom.

Dissolving the self does not mean that universal rules then apply to all equally; it means that there are no standards, no rules, no stasis and certainly no divine will.

All beauty (reason for living) emerges from flux.

Can I heal myself with just my mind?

I’m getting a new tent, yayyyyy!!!!

First thoughts of PCT 2017

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