Maine

9-6-2015

We made it to the last state today!!!!0906151117-000906151221-010906151346-00

Yonder and I packed in shots to the border! I took a shot of 99 Bananas because I thought it was funny…it was awful!!!!

Trail Log:

Life is beautiful. Even when it hurts more than I can bear, I can make it through and come out wiser, braver and stronger than I was before. I am growing.

Just entered Maine today. The mountains were beautiful. Today was perhaps my favorite days in existence.

0906151221-000906151219-01 11163790_521815977973695_2129659384985824880_n

Yonder and I got into a fight. We’d been hiking a lot together. I kept telling him about Flask, but I don’t think he believed me. I told him over and over, but he seemed so unimpressed with what mattered a whole lot to me. We were great friends for awhile, then it all went downhill. Yonder is leaving soon. I’m okay with it, but he wavers. I wish he would just go.

I made a list to reflect on. It’s very personal, but I said I would put it all on here! Here is a list that reflects my mental struggles encountered on trail.

Troubles:

Hiking in the bubble sucks…they ruin hiker resources with their parties. The magic of the Appalachian Trail is being destroyed/abused.

I am tired and exhausted. I feel like I care more about others than they care about me.

I am constantly in pain

I have nowhere to go when I finish trail. Nowhere of my own

I am having trouble being open to possibilities

I am lonely when others are around and at peace when I am alone. But as a female I am not allowed to be alone because it “isn’t safe.” And as a person because “that makes me selfish.”

I feel used.

I don’t feel like a person.

My lifestyle degrades me in the eyes of modern society.

People do not understand my lifestyle or view and cannot help even when they try to help.

My family is not proud of me.

Everyone plays the pissing contest. Few people are genuine.

Everyday conversations are boring. I refuse to participate

Happy interactions like hugging, smiling, cuddling, hiking, talking, watching a beautiful sunset, looking out over a view…make me upset because they remind me of someone who isn’t here.

Solved troubles:

No fear.

I don’t worry about being judged. I don’t like judgmental people.

I am amazing. I do amazing things. I don’t need external validation or to feed my ego.

I love people’s problems. It makes them unique…except when they are mean. Mean people suck.

I choose to move with the world rather than pursue my own desires.

I no longer plan.

What I want does not matter. What I do matters and provides me with what I need. Wanting is a waste of energy.

I am being social again!

I know how to love.

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